Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
