I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
