No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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