watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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