Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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