Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
