he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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