She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I could fuck to npr.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
