we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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