$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
