Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
