I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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