Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Randomize
