I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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