Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
