i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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