Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
