I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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