Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
