I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
