Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
