I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
