What did we do last night that was yellow?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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