Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
