he wants to bone in the snuggie
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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