Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
