I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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