just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
