Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
