I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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