Where is the hickey?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
