Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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