Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
