You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
