You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
