I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
