haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
