We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
