I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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