I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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