i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
