My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
