Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
