if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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