508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
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SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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