that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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