I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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