I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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