Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
