dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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