I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
