The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
