I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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