i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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