when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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