i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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