Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
