Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You pole danced in your parka.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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