So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
