I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Houston, we have a squirter
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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