I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
