My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
