Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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