We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
