oh god the rape fog is back!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
