how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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