I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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