sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
