Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Drunk is a universal language darling
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