3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
