So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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