just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
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He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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