i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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