There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
