She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
